By Jess Price
This past weekend I went camping with eight of my closest friends, with every intention of having a fun and memorable time. Backpacks loaded, tents in tow, and brewskies chilled, we were unprepared for what was soon to follow. The next few paragraphs are an account of our adventure at Batona campground– an event that has shaped our lives and outlook on fictional reinactment forever.
I rose bright and early on Saturday morning, ready to head off to Wharton State Forest for a camping trip that I had planed with a few of my friends. Along the way, it occurred to me that I did not have any food for the trip. So, I pulled into Wawa, and grabbed the first five items I saw. I also made a joke to the particularly uptight cashier which she didn’t even crack a smile for– which was a shame, because it was a funny joke. Her loss… So, I continued on my journey (encompassing all of 25 miles to the campground, but still, it was early, and I like the idea of calling it a journey…). After a few minutes I passed a yardsale, with an adorable dwarf-sized Pocahantas tee-pee tent. I make a quick U-Turn, and inquired about the tent. I told the woman how I was goin gcamping with friends, and that I didn’t have a tent, and thought it would be a funny joke to show up with the tent. Apparently being as dry as the Wawa cashier, she noted that it may be a little tight for me to sleep in, and is probably not water resistant, but that it was worth a try to use it. Mind you, the tent had a diameter of MAYBE two feet. Clearly she missed the joke. Honestly, I wish that people around here would appreciate sarcasm and humor more. So, regardless, I purchased the tent for a whopping $2, and continued along my long and strenuous journey….
I arrived at the park office, and met Denise to pay for the permit, and choose our campsite. Originally, we had planned to kayak directly to our campsite, but determined to drink, we decided to choose a site that we could drive to, so we could easily store the alcohol. Determined to be as far away from children, or any site with the words “family friendly” in it, I chose the Batona campground. After we talked to the particularly nasty clerk, and paid for the permit, Denise and I set about the journey of finding our campsite. After missing the turn about three times, we arrived at the site, where we met “Jess”– a girl in her mid-twenties, covered in red stage-blood. She introduced herself as a Lord of the Rings reinactor.
After contemplating running full-pace in the opposite direction, we decided to set up camp, and enjoy the spectator sport of “weirdo-watching” from the comfort of our tent. Also, the Pocahantas tent was set up as a “bathroom shield” for the shy-bladders of our group.
(Jess clearly didn’t use it…)
Laura and Gabe met us about an hour after we arrived, and we all decided to go on a nature walk, where we found that the nearest body of water was at least five miles away. (Note, half of this trip was supposed to be kayaking… way to pick a campsite Jess!) We did, however, encounter a large and particularly mucky swamp in our “backyard”. We all got stuck up to our ankles in the muck… Laura, to her hips.
Determined to find water, the four of us set off to drive to Atsion Lake to go to their beach. On the way, I directed Laura to go STRAIGHT, which she was trying to do, but with her crooked arm, kept pointing her at an 83 degree angle. Finding ourselvbes abslutely hysterical, we laughed form the pits of our stomach for about 15 minutes… of course, none of this about STRAIGHT will make sense to you, because that’s what it is… NONSENSE. Complete nonsense, but hysterical all the same.
Upon arrival, we found the beach to be closed as it was to full capacity…. a whopping 30% of the beach was occupied. That being no deterrent to our want for water, we found a set of cabins along the opposite side of the river, and went into the water at the dock area of cabin #7. Why yes, that is considered trespassing. Why no, no we did not mind. We swam in the murky cedar water, and played bseball with pinecones and branches.

After a few miutes, Laura and I took on our alter egos of Ren and Stimpy, and started making strange faces (and noises) while attempting to swim. I asked one of the kayakers to tow us back to our docking area, explaining at length that if we just held on and paddles our feet she would hardly feel the extra weight. She made a strange face and paddled away hastily. Her loss. We swam back to the dock, and dried off. This is the point where I noticed the nice big leech on my toe, just latching on. I ripped it off, and inspected the digit…. no blood, no problem.
We stopped by a produce stand on the way back, and picked up corn, blueberries, and peaches to eat that night, and then alcohol to wash it down with. Then we returned to our camp to enjoy the Lord of the Rings Show. Let me make it perfectly clear to you that they were wearing capes, swords, and shields, talking in horrible english accents, playing Rennescaince musiic, and running around and chasing and beating the crap each other>
They stayed in character the entire time, even while sleeping. We continues to watch, in awe, for about an hour or so, and then decided to go talk to them. We invited them over to our campsite, and offered to share our alcohol if they would let us watch their “game”. We were corrected that it is not a game, and then they accrepted. Sweet deal if you ask me…
We made friends with a few of the people (who turned out to be complete alcoholics-but cool!), and mortal enemies with some others who were a bit offended by our interest.
Oh well, you win some, you lose some…
Laura, Erwin, Nicole, and Dan met up with us later, and we ate pizza (the campfire food of champions), drank, and laughed hysterically at our “neighbors”. Cue the rain… torrential downpour, time for bed.

The next morning we ate breakfast, cleaned up camp, and prepared to go kayaing. Less four from our group, Denise, Laura, Erwin, and I set off to the kayak place to join in on the five-hour kayak trip. On the way, Denise and I spotted a huge black and white snake slithering in the middle of the road, and we screamed and jumped for about five minutes– my feet propped off the floor and out the window for another ten minutes. Once we arrived at the kayak place, we boarded the bus, and headed out to the river. We were dropped off, and began our kayak expedition. The water was extremely low in the beginning, and we had to walk and drage our kayaks for the first 1/4 mile. Once in the kayaks, we were good… at least until five minutes later, when I fell out of my kayak, and filled it almost entirely with water. RIP beach towel…. you will be missed. Once I was back in the kayak, we continued… for almost five hours. It was great, and beautiful, and fun, until we all almost plummetted to our deaths. You see, there was supposed to be this HUGE RED SIGN, to point us in the direction of where to dock our kayaks and meet our driver. Somehow, all four of us missed the sign. Straight ahead there was a little bridge where the water seemd to drop a bit, with a small fan turbine above. We heard this loud noise (which sounded much like a waterfall), but agreed that it was just the fan, and the drop was only a small one– after all, if it were anything large, there would be big huge warning signs, right?. Now about three ffeet from the drop, Denise pushed a bit forward to see the drop.Not able to see much, we all docked, got out of the kayaks, and went on the bridge above the drop, to see how big it is. That “small drop” turned out to be a water dam, with a 7 foot drop to extremely rocky water, with huge metal spikes at the bottome. Yes, we each would have been impailed and instantly killed. Good thing we didn’t continue….
We re-entered the water, and carefully avoided the dam. After a few minutes of paddling, we found the exit, and headed back home.
It was fun, scary, dangerous, hysterical, creepy, and completely unforgettable. <3